Nearly 3 months have gone by since adding Jordin to our day-to-day life. So many lessons and a rollercoaster of emotions has happened. The very first week alone with him, Je and I agreed we might not want kids… EVER. Fostering, adopting, having one was out the window! I was pretty vocal about it, even enough that Jordin asked if I hated him. Let me be clear, I do not hate Jordin! Honestly, I told him this, instantly when he came into our home I put him before myself. I live a pretty lax lifestyle and enjoy the freedom to be predictably unpredictable. That option is off the table when you have a little human depending on you.
Finding the balance between giving a child a nurturing childhood and trying to remember who you were before is tough. And I only had a 9-year-old for only 3 months and 1 week. My heart goes out to single parents who have to do it alone and split-parents who have to readjust every time they are the primary parents for whatever time frame. So many changes to my daily routines, my coffee shop hours had to change to accommodate school hours (how do you even work a 9-5 job?), my workout schedule had to change to be inclusive, parent/teacher conferences are random, no school days is a big deal, have to wake up before he does, go to bed after he does, having a quick beer with friends isn’t as easy as it sounds, …. But in saying this, I am enjoying my time with Jordin and having so much fun.
His time with us is coming to an end and I will have to admit I’m going to miss him. If you ask me now how sure I am about wanting kids, not too certain what my answer is. I am totally okay with not having children and still in that place even though I am having fun. I live a fulfilled life that is super busy with just me. Adding a child forever, I do not see how it would work. However, Jordin has proven that its possible to do it all…. well…. look like I’m doing it all. A lot of times I feel like the wheels are falling off. A huge shrug. I might wake up one day and decide to try, but I am old…. thank goodness I married a PYT who can possibly carry. LOL